Lost in Contemplation

"We don't always get everything that we want"

How very, very true.

Sumtimes, when really want sumthing, we normally won't get em. But there are times when we'll get em even without us reposing a lot of hope in it. Life's funny, ain't it?

To be frank, I can't stop myself from wearing a blank expression now, for I am confused. Frustrated. Sad. Indifferent. I feel utterly bereft. I wanna say sumthing. I wanna speak out, but I find myself choked for words. For words cannot describe what I am feeling ryte now. I'm totally dejectedly depressed with the whole situation that has befallen me.

I dunno why is it hard for her to actually agree to my wants. And dis is not the first time she ever did dis to me. I've always gave in to whatever she says. But now am a big girl.. I can make my own decisions! But she keeps on giving me unfathomable excuses that now I've decided that I can't handle it anymore. It's too much.. she is too hot to handle. Too stubborn.

Okay, okay, u win.. happy?

But,

Are you sure you are happy when i call u and then u hang up on me?

Are you sure you are happy when i want to help u but u nix my offer bluntly?

Are you sure you are happy when we're worlds apart but u still want to cling on to ur obstinacy?

Are you sure you are really happy?

Please.. dis is my life! Is it so hard to say 'yes'? She's so fickle.. I simply cud not get it! Last time she said sumthing else, the next thing I knew she changed her decision already.. without any good reason! How is she going to let me trust her like dis? I appear crestfallen at her decision, but I did not argue.. I mean, what for? So much effort and planning and now it's all come to nothing.

What devastates me the most is that I could not do anything about it, except juz to wait and see.. until I myself dunno when.