Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Lost in Contemplation

"We don't always get everything that we want"

How very, very true.

Sumtimes, when really want sumthing, we normally won't get em. But there are times when we'll get em even without us reposing a lot of hope in it. Life's funny, ain't it?

To be frank, I can't stop myself from wearing a blank expression now, for I am confused. Frustrated. Sad. Indifferent. I feel utterly bereft. I wanna say sumthing. I wanna speak out, but I find myself choked for words. For words cannot describe what I am feeling ryte now. I'm totally dejectedly depressed with the whole situation that has befallen me.

I dunno why is it hard for her to actually agree to my wants. And dis is not the first time she ever did dis to me. I've always gave in to whatever she says. But now am a big girl.. I can make my own decisions! But she keeps on giving me unfathomable excuses that now I've decided that I can't handle it anymore. It's too much.. she is too hot to handle. Too stubborn.

Okay, okay, u win.. happy?

Are you sure you are happy when i call u and then u hang up on me?
Are you sure you are happy when i want to help u but u nix my offer bluntly?
Are you sure you are happy when we're worlds apart but u still want to cling on to ur obstinacy?
Are you sure you are really happy?

Please.. dis is my life! Is it so hard to say 'yes'? She's so fickle.. I simply cud not get it! Last time she said sumthing else, the next thing I knew she changed her decision already.. without any good reason! How is she going to let me trust her like dis? I appear crestfallen at her decision, but I did not argue.. I mean, what for? So much effort and planning and now it's all come to nothing.

What devastates me the most is that I could not do anything about it, except juz to wait and see.. until I myself dunno when.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Eyeing Celeb

Me and colleague went to town after work today.. On our way back to the car, my colleague was pointing at someone and said,

"Hey, wud ya look at dat guy, I think it's Ako Mustapha, the actor"  

I turned and saw someone talking on the phone..

"Nah, it's impossible.. I dun think dat's him.. that guy seems too old to be him!"

"But he DOES look like Ako even if he's not him", we giggled..

We continued walking but suddenly she stopped and insisted that I look again the second time around..

"Would u look again? I think he has finished talking on the phone"
"Okay, okay, I'll look", I finally gave in.

When I turned, I noticed that many people standing nearby were staring at the guy my colleague was talking about.. and it turned out to be true.. IT WAS AKO! I wonder what in the world is he doin' in Sandakan.. LOL

awwww he's so cute!!

Am checking with my friend now, who happens to be Ako's friend btw hehe (sshhhh, he's sooo goin to kill me!!) But so far, I still haven't got his reply.. but I heard Ako's girlfriend is a Sabahan so.. maybe he's here to meet her family or simply go holidaying with his beloved.. hihihi, or maybe he has a shooting sumwhere nearby.. Speculation.. speculation hehehe..

Btw, I like his acting.. he seems so natural at it *winkssss*

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

At last!

Do u haf any bloody idea of how hard it is to find keropok lekor in Sandakan???!!!
Guess its not the Sabahans' type of food..
Dats why it's so difficult to get it around here (nasi lemak too!)
I found these (look at the pic above) at Giant, yes.. the hypermarket!
Imagine how surprised I was to see the frozen keropok lekor..
And u shud also see how shocked I was, too, to see its price per kg! 
*blink eyes vigorously*
But I bought sum anywayyyy.. 
Since I couldn't resist the temptation to satisfy my craving
Hehehehe *grin*

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Drama Affairs

sleeping beauties

We started our journey from Sandakan to Keningau on the 16th morning.. we gathered in school very early in the morning but only managed to really depart at about 7 sumthing..

Frankly speaking, I was quite shocked with the bus the school is providing us.. It's small and very packed especially afta we'd put in our luggages and the bench.. Halfway, there was something wrong wif the air-con and tyre allignment.. The driver was driving carelessly, too..I dunno how worse can dis journey be.. I could not help feeling a little apprehension myself..

But after a hell of 8-hour journey, we finally arrived in Keningau at about 4 sumthing, safe and sound.. We went to our hostel in SMK Gunsanad 2.. And wow! The school is hugeee!! Even the hostel is also not bad at all..

Anyhu, we went for our rehearsal, and guess what?? We needed to wait another hour for our turn coz apparently they got all the schedule mixed up.. Thanks for nothing! Due to that, we did not manage to do a proper rehearsal dat day.. I bet all the students were feeling exhausted like I did.. I slept as soon as my head touched the pillow dat nyte..

wif my paige hehe

close your eyes elliot, teacher is gonna put dis powder on you now

As early as 6 in the morning, we did the make-up for the girls in our dorm before we left for the hall.. We did the make-up for the boys and a little touch up for the girls once we were there.. Guess all of you were all geared up for the competition eh??

in the hall

Our turn was not due till after the 4th group .. I could see that many schools put a lot effort into their props and costumes.. Ours were pretty simple but we fully utilised everything that we had.. However, the students seemed pretty tired that their voices were not that clear eventhough we were sitting not so far from the stage.. Dat was quite a disadvantage for our team anyhu..

sum of the dramas presented

But then again, apparently luck wasn't on our side this time around.. We only managed to get the consolation prize with our drama entitled 'A Heart Nobody Knows' that highlighted the issue of bullying in school.. Guess the judges prefer colourful presentations then.. Whatever it is, I really appreciate all the comments given by em.. Hope we could improve ourselves and be more prepared next year!!

My poor kiddos.. they din noe that we won the consolation until the organizer announced the top 3 winners.. I could feel the sinking feeling revolved around em ryte after the competition
I also felt disappointed, but the judges' decision is final, so there's nothing much we could do about it.. Whatever it is, I REALLY AM proud of em for putting up a good show despite of how exhausted they were!! I mean to come to dis level.. dis far.. each one of em all is already a winner, so.. kudos to all!

the team

girls and shopping

Next, we left for KK and reached Marina Court Apartments at around 7.. We ate at McDs for our dinner since we couldn't think of any other place to go to.. I mean.. we were so hungry we could eat a horse!

The kids even managed to do some last-minute (VERY last minute) shopping at Warisan Square.. I juz bought some Big Apple Donuts as souvenirs hehehe.. (but frankly speaking, I miss JCO!!) I giggled at how super fast they were at rummaging through the clothes at the shop in their eagerness to buy designer labels (ehem ehem).. That, of coz, are not available in our town sweet town LOL

the teachers

On our journey back, we stopped at Kinabalu Park for lunch.. what a magnificent view! I wish I could go there again someday.. maybe next time spend a few days.. The thought of waking up to the sound of nature and the view of the highest mountain in Malaysia seems to be very, very alluring ;)

I stopped off in Telupid while the rest continued their journey back to Sandakan.. for I had to conduct the final PTP Examination at SMK Telupid (never-ending work).. So.. you can actually say that I had had such a hectic and exhausting week!!

Ok, am off for my afternoon nap now. Chowz.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

The Haunting

It's here!! It's back!!
I couldn't sleep well..
I haf butterflies in my stomach..
But I can't help it!

For it's here.. it's back!
Haunting me over and over again
Whenever the journey is about to begin
It's there.. taunting me with many possibilities

Oh no, it's here, it's back
The drama anxieties are back..

p/s: be off to Keningau tomorrow morning for the State Level Drama Competition.. ngeeee scary!!

Friday, July 11, 2008


Lately I've a fetish for squash. Yep, squash! I still remember the last time I've ever held the racquet was years ago when I was training for badminton! Last time I quite despised the sport as the racquet is heavier than of the badminton's. Besides, I find it less amusing to play in an enclosed area where all you do is hitting the teeny weeny ball against the wall.

But, it tickled my fancy after I'd played with a friend a few weeks back. I mean, I could really ditch my stress away by hitting the plain black rubber ball onto the wall! I can't believe am saying this but it's really liberating, apart from the fact that I wake up every morning feeling achy all over, mind you!

Now, we play almost everyday.. and I'm loving it! ;)

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Shuz, and more shuzzz

I must say that it is hard to find nice shuz around here in Sandakan. Here, there's no Vincci, Nose, Esarli or whatnot.. So sad eh.. But when I did my usual window shopping just now, I caught a glimpse of this cute pair of slip-ons. And it's labelled Vincci!!

Apparently they trade sum Vincci shoes from West Malaysia for their boutique. But, of course, having em here without a catch sounds too good to be true. It seems that they have marked up the price then resell em at a vast profit to heels enthusiast like me!! But I bought it anywaysss.. It's majestically too irresistible!! Ahahaha..

Friday, July 4, 2008

Art Attack

The drama team members demonstrated their talent with paints and canvas today.
I must say I am utterly impressed with their work hehehe..
Oh yeah, it's for our backdrop by the way..
Good job everybody.. it took us approximately 3 hours to finish em all!

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

losing grip

I'm still in the process of finding the best methods to approach my students. My attempts to improve things were of little avail. It's so hard, when you are trying to be what you are not. You try to be stern and firm with them. In the end, all I notice is that I'm being as unfriendlier than ever. I want to help them by asking them to be more serious about their studies, but it seems that my message is hard to be comprehended. I have this believe, how can you learn things if you are not serious about your studies? At their stage now, they probably cannot see what lies in front of them. All they wanna do is having fun. Why can't they have fun while being serious?

I believe that my students are teachable, they are not stupid or anything. I never used that word anyway. I always say 'I think you can do better' for anything can be achieved if you work for it. They're just being lazy, for God's sake! You can see it in their work. It's so obvious. I also notice that, it's not that I don't help them enough, it's just that they choose not to listen! I try to carry out as many interactive activities as possible to get them out of their coccoon and start to speak out. They're always so shy, and afraid to make mistakes. I always explain the importance of learning from our mistakes, but it is evident that they only listen and follow for a while, then 'woooshh!', off they go to an unknown universe.

However, some students are more than willing to learn. I notice how difficult it is for them to focus when their friends are not. You can see it by the look on their face when they're trying hard to digest the explanation given. Obviously, if I ask 'understand?', the rest of the class would simply nod in agreement. But when I go around the class to check on their work, words reach my ears.. "Teacher, buat yang mana?" OMG! Haven't I tried good enough? God, help! If they could just focus, or listen for a brief moment... Pleaseeeee!!

I won't stop my blabber just yet. As far as I enjoy teaching, reaching to the students is even tougher than I thought. I accept the challenge.. yes.. but somehow, teaching 5 different classes at once hinders my motivation. All I could do now is doing what I'm supposed to do, that is, completing the syllabus, and making sure that they're able to grasp at least one thing or one word along the way. I'm not giving up yet, hell not, for I believe there is a solution for every problem.. but, it'll only be a matter of time before I can finally find the best answers to all the questions that have been lingering in my mind lately...