Friday, February 27, 2009

Losing It, Fighting It

I heaved a long sigh out of pain and desperation. My heart and mind felt so stiff, almost as stiff as a wire, achy even, that it's difficult to endure further agony. Every single thing that I was told then and also now, flooded through my memory, like it happened yesterday.. it's always seemed that way. It had been so long since the last time I had to put up with whatever you're saying, whatever you're doing to me. All I did was absorbing everything like a big sponge, regardless of how painful it was. Sometimes it's just too much I couldn't handle it any longer. If I'm not strong enough, I might break down and cry my heart out. But I'd made a promise to myself last night, I'm gonna keep it if it's wrong or right. And if there any chance that I might lose it all, there'll be nothing left to lose and I would take in the blame, anything at all. It wouldn't matter anyway. Do you hear me? This thing has gone way too far. You can keep all your hurtful thoughts and remarks to yourself instead. I'm doing it, this time it's for sure.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

If I Could

I'd been introduced or listened to Hady Mirza's songs just a lil bit later than everyone who adores him since he became the first Asian Idol. But I love him and his songs all the same! He's one talented singer (and not to mention, cute!) who can sing really well, you will want to listen to his voice singing over and over again.

This song 'If I Could', a hidden track in his debut album, is so beautiful I feel so touched whenever I listen to it. The song suited him and he performed it beautifully! His voice is excellent and did a great job with this song as well as at playing the guitar! He sang it perfectly for his voice was strong and he even gave the song a bit of his character. I had read somewhere that he wrote the lyric himself, dedicated to someone who used to be special to him. He musta been really good coz I simply love it (and I think it wasn't just me). The lyric is quite sad though. Just listen to it and you'll know. But it's still nice, so what the heck! (unfortunately I can't find the lyric on Google, so let's watch the vid I got from UTube instead)


After months of frustation and waiting and more waiting, and not to mention heaps of phone calls, here it is at last! No clue of what I'm blabbing about? Refer to this entry. Basically, I did not get through the SPP interview last September because of some stupid documentation problems. I hope this time everything would turn out right. I definitely don't want to go through last year's experience all over again.

Wish me the very best of luck okay!~

p/s: My C: drive crashed a few days back and I had to reformat the whole pc. It was such a pain in the ass having to take all night the other day to finish recovering all the data. Luckily my D: was not affected. I kept most of my stuff there anyway. All I did was reinstalling all the programmes and softwares.. which took me like.. forever!! *sigh*

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Missing You

I miss you a lot, sweetheart! But you are nowhere within my (virtual) sight..
Where can you be? You've made me worried..
I have been searching for you way high and down low, I try to reach you..
Still, I'm left with no answers..
Don't leave me in such darkness and lemme hear your voice again..
Lemme lose myself in your sweet embrace..
Lemme call out your name in a way only you and I know..
I wish that we could be together now.. for I'd miss you..
If I could, I would go wherever you will go..
But until that time comes..

It's true when people say,
When you care about someone so much,

Being apart is a hard thing to get used to.
You thought you'd handle it just fine...
And that you'd be happy just to keep that special someone on your mind.
But it isn't always that easy.
Sometimes the one thing that would please you most...
Is simply seeing your other half..
And my other half is you..
I knew that I'd miss you.

I just didn't know I'd miss you as much as I do now..!~

Monday, February 23, 2009

Music to My Ears

As far as I'm concerned, I have over 20GB of MP3s stored in my laptop now. It's a huge number considering that I downloaded majority of em, and got the rest from other people. I've always been a big music fan ever since my primary school years, especially after I hit puberty. Well you know, how it was important to follow the trends then. Teenagers stuff. Still, music interested me. I could be listening as much as singing along to it. At that time, I merely listened to the radio to feed my enthusiasm and eagerness to be well-informed about the latest hits in the music world. I could still remember my Mom shouting over to me about letting the music got just too loud it could crack the whole neighbourhood. And oh, I remember being one of BSB's die-hard fans back then. Good old times. Silly, even. (I could still picture those posters I had put up on my teenage bedroom walls hee-hee)

As I entered the next phase of my life, I crazed about music even more. I watched MTV and Channel V a lot, giving much annoyance to my parents. I listened to a wider range of music genres. Not only boybands. But you can ask around and people will tell you that they were the 'in' thing at that time. Next, I started saving up pocket money to buy cassettes (CDs were expensive, no MP3s yet), of course without my parents' total approval. They said I listened to too much music it could affect my studies. Being as stubborn as I ever, I saved up money to buy a Walkman then, a Panasonic, so that I could get lost in my own world, my getaway, without anyone glaring offensively or disagreeably with my method of releasing tension or concentrating on things. Why couldn't they see at that time how much music had improved my moods and concentration? Parents.. at times they just couldn't see through their children's eyes. It was so frustrating. That was then, of course. Heeee..

Time passed by and all of a sudden the Walkmans days were over, came in the day of Discmans. I just couldn't bear being left out, of course. I bought myself a cheap Phillips discman after saving up money for it, adding the latest, modern touch to the word portability. However, at that time, I could only afford pirated CDs to listen to since I'd spent so much on the discman.. shhhhhh! Come to think of it, I think the discman is still working, I just dunno where I put it in the first place. Gah! So much for saving up money for a discman then! 

So, next, gone were the days of discman, entered the MP3s, MP3 players and iPods era. It seems like everyone owns one nowadays. You have better selections of the storage limit, colours, shapes, sizes, and styles, too. Since I was no longer an avid collector of cassettes or CDs, I'd downloaded majority of the songs I used to listen then and stuffed everything into my iPod. It's so much more convenient.. all you have to do is to go to the right sites to download them all and next transfer it into your portable, large storage players. Everything is at the very tip of your fingers. What are you waiting for??

Music has always been a huge part of my life, in the past, in the present, and surely in the future. It soothes my soul, serving as a backdrop against an array of experiences, good and bad, often heals, and sometimes brings up tears, either of happiness or sadness. Every piece of music tells a story, you'll know when you want to listen to what song. Even if the songs are in other languages which you might not understand, the melody can still make you shake your body in sync with every beat, every rhythm. 

It is liberating, and it puts my mind at ease. I could simply drift away just by the sound of it. When I need to shut myself against the world, it lets me dwarfing in its invisible bubble of protection, entering and slipping into a world of serenity. It is indeed one of the beautiful things that made life even more worth living. It has many layers, and its meaning depends on who and how they are interpreting it. You can either just like the beat or feel bonded within it, or both. You be the judge. But as for me, music has moved me in a way that I really couldn't explain and it still does today.That is why I will always have music in my life.

(and that is one of the many reasons why you will always see me clinging to my iPod or listening to music at full blast in my car or room hee-hee..)

Sunday, February 22, 2009

My Kind of Sunday

It was hard to actually wake up this morning especially with the rain pouring heavily and thunder and lightning barking fiercely outside. All I wanted to do was to curl up under my duvet and wait for Monday morning to come.. Beep beep beep beep! My alarm went off just a lil too soon with a lil freaky message 'Badminton Club, 12pm'. Aaaaa.. why whyyyy.. I walked lazily to the bathroom. It was Sunday after all.. and there I was, dragging my ass off of bed just because we (that is Lam and I) had to supervise the Badminton Club kids at Chi Hwa Hall for the Kejohanan Badminton Remaja Sandakan. After having our brunch at Habeeb, we went to the hall only to find out that there was nothing much to supervise anyway. Most of the students had gone back as luck wasn't really on their side during the preliminary rounds. So, we headed back instead. They din even need us there.

All of a sudden, I felt a strong urge to spend my weekend outside rather than lazing around the house doing what I always do on weekends. I went to town instead.. the tamu was still there so I decided to take a walk around. It was just a way to ease my mind and think about things. I din even buy a single thing. I was just there physically, but mentally, I was elsewhere. The shouts and screams of the sellers seemed so far away, so distant at one point. I din know I was so drowned in my pool of thoughts then. It helped clear my mind, though.

Next, I took a drive around Sandakan, exploring shops and streets I'd never been at, without a clear intention of where to go. As I drove aimlessly, I came across a shop with the word  'Spa' (I forgot the whole name) written on the glass door... wow, a day at the spa would be nice! I parked my car and entered the shop, wishing this could be the haven I'm looking for, away from the noise and bustle of the world outside. I talked to the girls there and they were very professional and friendly. The packages they offered there were interesting as well. I'm starting to love this spa thingy already! However, they were sorry that they were about to close when I came in. They close early on Sundays, that's what they told me. It's okay, another time I guess.

So what's next? I just followed my instinct and started driving around again. I decided to check out the new shop lots in Bandar Utama, near Giant. My little exploration did not come down to nothing, surprisingly. I'd found out that there are a few mamak restaurants in that area and 2 cosy-looking cafes like Jesselton Coffee. I hope they serve good coffee there. Who knows they could be our new hangout spots? I'm sooo gonna ask the girls to try em out the next time around! 

Not only that, I'd also came across a hair and beauty salon and I din know why, I just stopped my car, took out the key from the ignition, locked it and went straightaway into the salon. There were quite a number of people there but luckily most of em were just waiting for their kids, wives, husbands and so on. I was attended by a friendly lady and we chatted as she washed my hair and cut it short. Yes, I had my hair cut today. Short, but sweet. Just the way I like it to be. So that basically sums up what happened in my life today. It'll be another week before weekends come again, so let's enjoy it while we still can yeah.. 

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Staying Connected

My friend told my other friend the other day that I'm a bit of a sucker for Internet connection. Sheepishly, I admitted it. Indeed, a day without Net connection is a nightmare okay! When I'm not at work, you will most likely find me online.. most of the time, that is. I still remember the first time I ended up in Sandakan, I was all about Celcom Broadband since that was the closest to communicating with the world outside at that time. I din wanna feel left out. There were just a lot of things I need to catch up then. 

The moment I got into my current apartment, I had started thinking about getting a Streamyx connection since the 3G Broadband service was unavailable in this area. I sighed then since it cost me a lot to get it installed yet that was my only option, I reckon. There was quite a hassle in the beginning, well if you use Streamyx at home, then you know how it goes for the first installation. I only managed to get everything on track only by the second (or third) week after a bagful of complaints to TM! How frustrating but I was glad I got it over with. I had also installed a wi-fi router for it's easy for me to use the Net at any part of the house, what more with my room being at the very back of the apartment, less than 15 metres away from the modem. I simply hate the idea of cables lying all around the house, so it was for the best. 

Anyway, I've always known myself as a heavy Net user as I download songs and movies, surf graphics-and-HTMLs-laden websites, and watch streaming videos and radios endlessly, so I think it was wise that I took up a package worth RM90/month for 512kbps Net and phone connection fees. Sometimes the line is very very slow and I wonder whether I want to continue with this package or not.. I bet it will not make much difference even if I take the 1MB package. Changing to 3G Broadband is totally out of question. I will not settle for that even when they have all sorts of services available now - Celcom, Maxis and even Digi. It can be either too slow or too unstable. Streamyx is still the best option, I just hope they could improve their services and next start making the consumers' lives easier and less miserable than it already is. 

The line is damn slow today, much to my chagrin. That's the main reason why I'm writing this despite the oh-so-poky line, to express my disappointment. Imagine downloading a 13.2 MB file for an ETA of 9 hours! Come on.. you gotta be kidding me right??!

p/s: Instead, I just lounge around lazily reading novels.. Reading keeps me sane, especially after a whole week of hard work in school. I'd finished Breaking Dawn by Steph Meyer this noon and continued with Sidney Sheldon's 395-paged Are You Afraid Of The Dark. Just finished that one right before I logged on to the Net. Next, it's gonna be If You Could See Me Now by Cecelia Ahern *winks* 

Wednesday, February 18, 2009


It's finally happening, I can feel it. Eventhough I cannot be sure of what will happen next, I think it's worth trying. Something is better than nothing.. right? I'm nervous though, nervous that things will not turn out the way it's supposed to be. I want everything to be right. I'm at a point where I could just let go of everything and do not expect to turn back even for a second. However, there is a possibility that anything can happen along the way. Something unexpected. Something unpredictable. But who am I to decide on those things? I can try, wait, then see. See how things might go. Am I ready for those?

At one point, I don't wanna think about it at all. I'm comfortable being where I am, doing what I do right now. Life can get kinda lonely yet in a way I feel contented. I lose something over something else I'd chosen instead. But I'm still glad. Glad that some things are still as normal, as ordinary.. apart from all the other things that have been troubling my mind once upon a time. 

But I can't keep living in denial. I can't forever be running from the situation.  It has been left unsolved, untouched for a lil while. And now it has resurfaced. Resurfaced and haunting me every now and then. Taunting me with probabilities, mostly the negative ones. I can't simply get it out of my head! My heart and mind scream out for an answer.. yet it comes down to little avail. I'm cocooned in the bubbles of helplessness and hopelessness again. Why can't I be happy like everyone else? Why do simple things turn out to be so complicated for me? 

God, shed me some light! I need your guidance.. I need your assistance to get through one of the difficult times of my life. I never thought it could be as hard.. eventhough life's supposed to be that way. Neverending tests. Neverending challenges. It's a lesson to be learnt, I just have to keep on trying and trying till I get what I want, what I desire, what I long for. Until then, I'll never give up though I can't help the frustration that comes with it. It's true when people say, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. 

I've tried my very best to please everyone up to a point where I'm fed up to the back of my teeth of being criticised all the time for wanting what I want. Maybe some people, somewhere have to open their eyes to what has become of me. Or at least, give in to me for one last time possibly? After all, people change. And we need to accept them for that is a part of who they are right now.. for better, or for worse. 

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Be My Valentine?

"As long as forever, I'll stay by your side,
I'll be your companion, your friend and your guide...
As long as I live, and as long as you care,
I'll do anything and I'll go anywhere...
I'll bring you the sunshine, I'll comfort your fears,
I'll gather up rainbows to chase all your tears...
As long as forever, my love will be true,
for as long as I live -
I'll love only you!"

Those are the words written in the card given by Bie for Valentine's Day, though we don't really celebrate it, yet it's kinda fun to actually take the opportunity to exchange gratitudes for the gift of love between the two of us. I love you the same, my dear! Thanks, too, for the chocolates and 'The Gift' by Cecelia Ahern! I don't need em to know how great your love is for me but still, they had really made my day! =)

I could only say this to you... As long as there's a moon and stars, as long as there are rivers and mountains, as long as the earth goes round the sun, I'll be forever yours and yours alone.You are the awesomest thing that ever happened in my life. You make me complete. You make me feel like the luckiest woman in the world alive by being by my side. You make me look at myself like I've never looked at myself before. I may not say this all the time, but thank you for loving me, dear. Thank God for giving you to me. You are heaven sent.. my REAL gift. I could spend this lifetime thanking the both of you and that still won't be enough. Happy V-Day~

They say couples who laugh together, last together.. izzit true? I hope so!~

Friday, February 13, 2009

Snippets: Food Galore and More

1. After work Lam and I would normally go out for lunch or quick hang out at our favourite makan spots, and last Weds we tried out a new restaurant called Home Recipe in Bandar Indah. I ordered Mamak Fried Mee, or better known as mee goreng mamak, along with a tall glass of ice-blended Mocha Oreo. Yummy! Lam, on the other hand, ordered a plate of Seafood Spaghetti and a cup of Hazelnut Mocha. Double yummy! The food was great and the ambience was nice and relaxing. Highly recommended!~

2. Yesterday, after KOKUM (co-curricular activities) I really felt like eating ice-creams. Anything would do at all! So, Lam suggested we hang out at 7Heaven - a dessert parlour in Mile 4 and I'm loving it! Ironically, I just recovered from a terrible sore throat and swollen tonsils and here I am eating Banana Boat all to myself! Ha-ha. Oh yeah, Lam ordered Mango Madness smoothie. Very creamy, and not to mention, fatty and sugary!~ Very sinful, indeed. But who could ever resist these..?! (pointing at the pics below) Oh yeah, I even ran into Azmi, my last year's Form 5F student, who apparently is working somewhere nearby while waiting for his SPM result.. And I just couldn't believe my ears when he asked me to treat him to lunch all of a sudden! That cheeky boy! *lol*

3. If you're a big Japanese food fan just like me, and you happen to be in or near Sandakan at one point, look no further! Edo Ichi Japanese Restaurant in Bandar Tyng serves the best fresh made sushi ever, just like famous sushi franchises - Sushi King, Sushi Groove or Sakae Sushi.. or maybe better? Hehe.. you come, you taste, and you decide for yourself. *grin*


4. Lam and my next stop - Jesselton Coffee House. They, like, serve the best Mocha Ice Blended ever! Adding on to the compliment, the toasted tuna sandwich was superb.. and huge! I only managed to eat half and needed to take the remaining half back home, just imagine! The cheesecakes were nice too! A must try. Anyway, I like the whole idea of the shop, given that coffee is my favourite drink, especially when we get to lounge on the sofa.. gossiping and talking about things, while sipping caffeine. It's really cosy and relaxing for both quick and long tete-a-tete with friends. 


5. That same desk, same school, same month.. but in two different years - one in January 2008 and another one in January this year. Can you spot the differences? Hehehe..


6. Been driving like mad these days. Reaching 120 or 130kmph in my Myvi on normal roads seem like nothing to me nowadays. In fact, this is one of the most liberating things I could do to release my tension, be it personal or work-related issues! Somebody said that it's dangerous to speed using the stock tyres.. then, when can I get the new ones from you?? Hee~


7. I had been having sore throat and high fever that we hardly go anywhere at all in KK last weekends! Maybe it was due to all the stress regarding me missing my flight and all. Check out the look on my face. I could barely smile. The agony was seemingly inevitable and obvious. I took an MC last Tuesday for it was freaking difficult for me to wake up in the morning, what more with the headaches and slightly elevated body temperature. I went to the clinic I always go to whenever I feel sick and the doctor claimed that I only had slight fever and that my tonsils were swollen. I need to take 6 pills altogether inclusive of those for fever, cough, sore throat and antibiotics to prevent further infections. Thank God, I'm okay now so don't you guys worry! One thing that I'm worried about now that I'm all alive and kicking is my sleep deprivation. Well, I don't think I have to elaborate, you know it already. 


Being as sick as I could ever remembered, I even had to say no to my favourite seafood spaghetti and fish and chips at Fish & Co. Nothing seemed okay and good enough to my liking. All I could swallow were either KFC's whipped potatoes or McD's chicken porridge. Solid food seemed to be stuck in my throat and it hurt like hell, I could almost gag. Even drinking water had become a painful thing to do at that time. 

8. These are the glimpses of our school's CNY celebration on a rainy Friday last week. As usual we'd have the Lion Dance and the traditional Chinese dance. There were other performances and activities such as lucky draw, modern dance and so on too. Will post up the full report on it, complete with all the other pictures later.

9. I went to the post office to renew my driving license and omigawd, the queue I tell you, was quite unbearable. I stood there waiting dumbly for my turn for up to one hour before finally reaching the counter! It was during lunchtime - the peak periods, and the admins should know that the post office will be crowded with people then, YET, everyone had to queue up for the only counter that was opened on that day! How frustrating! I noticed that they'd been doing some upgradings with the place.. it looked way better than last time.. I just hope they'll improve on their customer services as well.

10. Yay me! I got a souvenir from a colleague who went holidaying in Switzerland last year-end holidays - a pair of cute ballet-shoe look-alike stockings! It even has the so-called 'love-is-in-the-air' grips on the soles! Thanks, El!~


11. It was my colleague cum good friend's wedding last year and all I got for her was Droppar set from IKEA. There are two tall bottles which came with the base and you can use em to store oil and vinegar. Well, kitchen stuff. It seemed like she kind of enjoyed her present and that was quite a relief coz choosing presents for friends and families has never been something I'm good at! Ha-ha.

P/s: So there goes.. another week, another drama.. =)

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Last Birthday

Blowing the candles, wishing for happiness and prosperity all year through!~
Venue: Manhattan Fish Market, Clarke Quay, Singapore, night time

These are the gifts I got on my previous birthday, which was like.. 2 months ago.. ha-ha.
Annually, 13th December is the magical date of all.. well, at least for me *winks*

Thanks Bie for the perfume Ralph.. I've always loved fresh and fruity fragrances!~
Thanks Sis for the Kebaya Nyonya imported from Bandung.. all red and glamourous!~
Thanks Umie for the free coupons for treatments at Mayfair Face.Body.Spa!~
And lastly, thanks me.myself.and.I for the diamond necklace from Tomei!~
These are the things that I'd treasure forever.. it might be a lil bit too late to say this..
but, thanks everyone for the wishes!! That's very thoughtful of you guys!~

"Semoga panjang umo and cepat kawen!" - Umie, BFF
"Happy besday Cik Aida my lovely sis.. muah3.." - Sue, ma sis
"Auntie Aida! Happy besday! May u'll always be happy, healthy and wealthy! I love you!" - Huda, BFF
"Eppi 24th bday! May Allah bless u always. Amin." - Cat
"Happy birthday yang ke-24.. May Allah bless u.. moga dimurahkan rezeki & dipanjangkan umo." - AbangNyah
"Hepi bday!" - Sis Isya
"Epi belated besday, sis!" - Abangcik
"Darling, happy besday. Hope everything will be OK. Luv you!" - Sis Yan
"(pic of heli) Lihatlah betapa istimewanya dirimu kuhantar sebuah heli 2 wish u eppy birthday!" - Esah ex-roomie
"Whyda, Joyeux 24 Anniversaire! May Allah bless u and may u always be happy!" - Esah ex-classmate
"Teacherrrr, Meriell here. Sorry for the late wish.. but happy belated birthday!" - Meriell, student
"Hepi belated bufday. Semoga bahagia selalu." - Sis Zai
"Aida! Happy 24th belated birthday! Moga panjang umo, murah rezeki & bahagia selalu!" - Angah
"Kak Aida.. happy belated birthday!" - Mai, junior in college
"Happy belated birthday! Ailapyuuuuuuuuuuuu!" - Baya, BFF
"Happy belated birthday." - PakcikKitaro, fellow Fungkurian
"Along.. happy belated birthday!" - Eza, bestie
"Happy belated birthday gurl.. hope u had a gud day!" - Alan, the pen-pal
"Happy besday awak.. hehe dah berapa ya umur awak..?" - Faizal, ex-classmate
"Happy birthday.. yay!" - Emma, bestie
"Happy birthday!" - Iyda, bestie
"Happy birthday Aida. Moga panjang umur & dimurahkan rezeki." - Maxtor019, fellow Fungkurian
"Selamat hari jadi cikgu and cucuanda!" - Hygi, long-lost grandpa haha
"Hepi besday Cikgu Rawaida, may Allah bless u now, forever n always.. miss u!" - CikYam, BFF

... errr... should I really go on? Ha-ha~

Friday, February 6, 2009


Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I'm supposed to fly off at 2.20pm to KK for my weekends off just now but I missed my flight. Just about 5 or 10 minutes right before the counter closed. Dammit! Lotsa things didn't come my way today, and I just dunno why. Maybe today is not my day after all...

First and foremost, my breakfast was lousy so I had to contain my hunger up till lunch. Next, it rained heavily during our school's CNY celebration and I couldn't really concentrate on taking pictures. I was also mad at a friend for not being able to make up her mind of where to have lunch too, delaying all the time in the world during my rush hour. And, yes, the traffic, too, for being so congested especially with those who hogged the road, whom obviously, whether they realise it or not, had misunderstood the true meaning of 'fast lane' and 'left lane'. How did these people get their license btw?? Then, when I reached home the AirAsia web check-in was not working when I need it the most. No thanks too to my school's internet service for being not available when I was about to check in too earlier in the day. After that, people hogging on the road again. Next, nobody was at the counter when I wanted to check in. Nobody was in sight too for me to ask anything at all. Dammit. I went up to the Guest Service Centre and there was this uncle who talked endlessly with the lady at the counter. Hellooo?? If you feel like chit-chatting please be considerate enough to go to any coffee shop nearby okay! Feeling helpless and clueless about what I need to do, I took a cab and paid RM18 just to get home and rethink about my next moves. I did consider to just drive all the way to KK, and next rejected it coz it might be one hell of a journey both to and fro. Gradually, I decided to go out and check out on MAS tickets. Nobody was at the counter, again. Where are all these people??!! I waited for about half an hour yet nobody came. Oy, come on! Ok, ok, calm down. I took a turn and went to my tailor to send and fetch my clothes instead, trying to make everything seems normal even when it's not. Guess what, she was asleep then, dammit! I was told by her son to come again later. Yeah, yeah, whatever. 

The next thing I know, I was speeding up to 130kmph all the way back home, furiously. In Sandakan City that's sooo illegal and almost impossible. But, what the heck. Like I wanna care about THAT now. Wow, could today be any worse?? 

Weekends Off

Yay! Am going off to KK for my long weekends off today! Our school will be off on Monday for Chap Goh Mei and I'm so over the moon as I get to meet that somebody in a few hours time. Ha-ha. It has been a while eh? I could hardly wait! To everyone else, I'll be back so soon you won't even have time to miss me okay!! *winks*

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

To Be, or Not to Be

"When are you getting hitched??" 

That, I tell you, has been the most asked question since my friends and I had stepped into the working world, especially when you are in a relationship. It seems almost normal and natural for people to assume that once you've started working, next, it's all about getting married and starting your own family blah blah blah.. If only life is as simple as that. People might be wondering what is wrong with you.. but who says you can't be happy being just what you are right now??

For me, marriage is a big thing. The big M. It comes in a package together with the big R and C - that is responsibility and commitment. I'm not even sure when will I be ready coz that might take forever. But even to try and enter the world of marriage that is full of risks and probabilities send me shudders down my spine. I think I'm still not willing to trade my bachelor life for that yet. It's not that I don't trust my partner whatsoever, it's just that I'm not sure whether I'm a marriage material. Yeah, yeah.. you can laugh your heart out or disagree with me but sometimes I keep asking myself whether I am ready for those commitment thingy. Ha-ha this is so typical for a Sagittarian. But you must admit that there are lotsa things you need to take into consideration once you've decided to tie the knot. And at times, it could be difficult to be dealt with. Maybe I'm a commitment freak after all. I wonder how did I manage through an almost 7-year relationship all this while..... that is something to be pondered over.  

Some people might view this differently, but this is what I think. Actually, I'm quite surprised that a friend of mine had decided to get married just after a few months of courtship. Age does play a role here but they claimed that "it's time" and insisted "why wait?". Nevermind, if they think that this is best for them, then, why not? For me, it's a big no-no. I have to really know my partner inside out before finally being able to say 'yes' to his proposal. The idea of getting married sometimes seems to me like a 'stuck-for-life' agreement. Even in our everyday life, we need to consider the positive and negative outcomes of whatever deals we're doing right? That's where I am right now.. considering what is to become of me once I've decided to settle down. Once you begin, there is no turning back. 

Don't get me wrong here, I do love my partner. There are many good sides of getting married. Even in Islam we're encouraged to do so. But as much as I want to be together with him, I doubt whether I would be able to bear all the responsibilities well. Maybe that's the whole point of getting married - togetherness, that is, you handle things together. Yet, it still freaks me out. I don't want things to go against what I expect it to be. I HAVE to be ready to proceed with a marriage in hands. But the only thing that matters is when? Hurmm.. uncertainties really disgust me.