Clueless

It's finally happening, I can feel it. Eventhough I cannot be sure of what will happen next, I think it's worth trying. Something is better than nothing.. right? I'm nervous though, nervous that things will not turn out the way it's supposed to be. I want everything to be right. I'm at a point where I could just let go of everything and do not expect to turn back even for a second. However, there is a possibility that anything can happen along the way. Something unexpected. Something unpredictable. But who am I to decide on those things? I can try, wait, then see. See how things might go. Am I ready for those?

At one point, I don't wanna think about it at all. I'm comfortable being where I am, doing what I do right now. Life can get kinda lonely yet in a way I feel contented. I lose something over something else I'd chosen instead. But I'm still glad. Glad that some things are still as normal, as ordinary.. apart from all the other things that have been troubling my mind once upon a time. 

But I can't keep living in denial. I can't forever be running from the situation.  It has been left unsolved, untouched for a lil while. And now it has resurfaced. Resurfaced and haunting me every now and then. Taunting me with probabilities, mostly the negative ones. I can't simply get it out of my head! My heart and mind scream out for an answer.. yet it comes down to little avail. I'm cocooned in the bubbles of helplessness and hopelessness again. Why can't I be happy like everyone else? Why do simple things turn out to be so complicated for me? 

God, shed me some light! I need your guidance.. I need your assistance to get through one of the difficult times of my life. I never thought it could be as hard.. eventhough life's supposed to be that way. Neverending tests. Neverending challenges. It's a lesson to be learnt, I just have to keep on trying and trying till I get what I want, what I desire, what I long for. Until then, I'll never give up though I can't help the frustration that comes with it. It's true when people say, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. 

I've tried my very best to please everyone up to a point where I'm fed up to the back of my teeth of being criticised all the time for wanting what I want. Maybe some people, somewhere have to open their eyes to what has become of me. Or at least, give in to me for one last time possibly? After all, people change. And we need to accept them for that is a part of who they are right now.. for better, or for worse.