In this stubbornness
With thoughts pouring out like waterfall, I sit absent-mindedly, pondering, and pondering, and pondering what the heck is wrong with me.. Right here, right now, everything seems so wrong.. very, very wrong.. The moment I try to make it right, I just fail, and I stumble on and I fall.. and I end up hurting other people instead.. It seems that I just can't get away from this stubbornness, this enormous wall of ego I myself do not realise I've built around me.
As much as I think that I've matured enough to handle things, I've become this sensitive person I know I've never been. I snap and get annoyed easily. Even itsy-bitsy matters would turn my mood upside down and make me go berserk inadvertently and adventitiously. From this so-called cheerful, jolly, chatty person, I will become this totally disgruntled lady that even a glare could be unbearable. You really don't wanna mess with me now.
But hey, I AM NOT perfect. I've tried my very best to please everyone around me. Be it friends, or family, or even strangers or friends I hardly knew. I really do. But sometimes, things are not in my favour, so is it plainly wrong to actually object and show how much you disagree with it? I can be subtle yet I can be blunt, too. You want to play honest, I'm all up for it! You sure you can handle it?
If I'm mad, or possibly not in the mood, or I'm not being 'me', just leave me alone attending to my stubbornness. I'd rather quiten myself than snapping out of my dissatisfaction or endless sensitivity. You don't wanna be my next victim, do you? But it's really killing me, when people demonstrate how unappreciative they are to how much or how best I've appeared trying to be. And it's killing me, too, to be unable to understand and comprehend the complexity of one's mind and actions. I look everywhere for answers, for solutions, for anything at all that I could hold on to, but it's not as simple as Googling or reading ABCs. Oh, if only it's THAT easy.
I want to forgive, I want to believe that this is just another melodrama out of my uncontrolled emotions.. But an egoist myself, maybe it's true when people say that I'm too proud and too stubborn to admit my mistake. But if only you could be in my shoes and see the world from my perspective, maybe then you would realise how things do not appear the way we want to be at all times. But hey, look on the bright side, a little privacy would be nice, wouldn't it? *smirk*
'It's okay', I say to myself quietly. After all, every cloud has a silver lining.
As much as I think that I've matured enough to handle things, I've become this sensitive person I know I've never been. I snap and get annoyed easily. Even itsy-bitsy matters would turn my mood upside down and make me go berserk inadvertently and adventitiously. From this so-called cheerful, jolly, chatty person, I will become this totally disgruntled lady that even a glare could be unbearable. You really don't wanna mess with me now.
But hey, I AM NOT perfect. I've tried my very best to please everyone around me. Be it friends, or family, or even strangers or friends I hardly knew. I really do. But sometimes, things are not in my favour, so is it plainly wrong to actually object and show how much you disagree with it? I can be subtle yet I can be blunt, too. You want to play honest, I'm all up for it! You sure you can handle it?
If I'm mad, or possibly not in the mood, or I'm not being 'me', just leave me alone attending to my stubbornness. I'd rather quiten myself than snapping out of my dissatisfaction or endless sensitivity. You don't wanna be my next victim, do you? But it's really killing me, when people demonstrate how unappreciative they are to how much or how best I've appeared trying to be. And it's killing me, too, to be unable to understand and comprehend the complexity of one's mind and actions. I look everywhere for answers, for solutions, for anything at all that I could hold on to, but it's not as simple as Googling or reading ABCs. Oh, if only it's THAT easy.
I want to forgive, I want to believe that this is just another melodrama out of my uncontrolled emotions.. But an egoist myself, maybe it's true when people say that I'm too proud and too stubborn to admit my mistake. But if only you could be in my shoes and see the world from my perspective, maybe then you would realise how things do not appear the way we want to be at all times. But hey, look on the bright side, a little privacy would be nice, wouldn't it? *smirk*
'It's okay', I say to myself quietly. After all, every cloud has a silver lining.
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