At wits' end

Am I going to do it? If it's going to happen somehow, this could be the craziest thing I'd ever done in my life.. ever! I really feel like getting away from the dilemma and the doubts I've been having. I have no hopes whatsoever, I just feel like doing it. I don't even care how it might turn out in the end. Like I mentioned, I just feel like doing it. Don't ask me why, I myself simply don't have the answers.

I wonder how it's gonna be like.. The thoughts can't seem to leave me at all these days. It appears to me like a long continuum, without any clear dividing points. I'm pretty sure it will affect me and my life in certain ways, but for this time around, I really feel like I've to follow my heart, just this once. Then, we'll see how it goes. I hope things are not going to change as much. I really hope it wouldn't. I am comfortable as how it is now. But I'm lost in the dark. I need some answers, proofs, whatever it may be. The more I delay it, the more it stays lingering in my thoughts and mind, diverting all my attention from other things. By that time, I might not be able to hold it.. It will kill me a little more inside. God, help.. I don't wanna do this.. but this might be the best option I have. If I don't do it this time, there won't be a next time. Am I ready yet?

Other people can say whatever they want to say, but I don't give a damn. This is my prerogative.