Unwritten, unspoken.

There are so many things in life I feel like doing and talking and feeling. Am I too absorbed in my own comfort zone? It seems like there are so many things left unwritten and unspoken. Sometimes I feel like I can't read myself at all. I'm lost in my own thoughts. I try to act as what I say. But I was told that, often, my actions go completely against my words. I am undefined. I can't really decide what I want. At one point, I feel like I'd completely lost the battle. I stumble upon the many pathways in life that I become confused of what is wrong and what is right; what I want and what I do not want.

Ironically, I chuckle upon remembering the poem The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost. I'm amazed at how true it is in reflecting all the happenings in our lives.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

We make decisions every time, every day, 24/7. It might be a major or a minor one. Major decisions require us to think deeper. It cannot be made in a blink of an eye. It is a decision which will affect our lives forever, either we want it or not. People think differently, and because of that, we make different decisions based on our own beliefs. Sometimes, we make wrong decisions, the one that will be regretted all your lifetime. Once you've made up your mind, there is no turning back. You can fall, and you can try to get up again, armed with new enthusiasm and hopes. Hoping for a better life, a better future. But things are not going to be the same anymore.

And somehow, somewhere, you happen to be stuck in the middle.There's no room for you to breathe. You need some space! You do not need anyone to bug and tell you the pathway you have to choose, or the decision you have to make. It is all about you. It's your life. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. As much as you want it, you can't have it. It's killing you but there's nothing you can do about it. It becomes the hardest decision that you'll ever have to make.

You can put up a brave smile without other people knowing the difficulties you have to go through. All the things that you've hidden and buried then are secretly eating you from the inside. Slowly, but surely. You wonder how long do you have to play around with your feelings. You know that something is wrong somewhere, but you simply don't know how to fix it. You wonder at how strange it is for haunting you over and over again. Your nights are sleepless. You seem like a walking shadow, moving, yet lifeless. The thoughts can't seem to leave you alone. Yet you need to move on and live your life as there's more to it. All the confusions and misunderstandings can suck you dry. And you simply don't want that. So now you've left everything behind.. but then, why does it still hurt?