Unbeknownst.

I'm trying my very best to understand. I do. But sometimes, I just don't get it. Is it really me after all? I feel hurt, disappointed, all at the same time. I long for something. Yet, things often don't go my way. I want to cry, I want to scream out loud, I want to let go of the things buried deeply inside of me. But so far I just can't. The pain seems to be so real, I can't believe my own self. I pray to God for some animalistic strengths to keep me going. Still, I wonder whether it's gonna be good enough. Suddenly, I feel so stressed out. All I can think of right now is to run away from things.. let it cool off on its own, I guess.

Why, why is this happening..?