Remorse or Relieved?
I'm really struggling to describe how I feel right now..
Should I feel remorse or relieved?
I think both.
As for the former, I'm gonna lose a friend. But can someone so selfish and manipulative eligible to be called 'friend'? Well, we used to be friends.. or so-called friends who spend a great deal of time together, whether we like it or not. After our first and second friendship breakdowns, I'm not sure I could handle the third. It's just too much. Things weren't the same then but at least we could still face one another, talk and live our lives normally. But not this time, I think I'm starting to give up on her for she's not worth it. After all, I just know that all this while she thought that I'm the problematic one, that SHE IS the one who keeps giving me chances to change, not vice versa. Doesn't she realise that when someone who's normally eager to speak to her now keeping the conversations to zero means something is wrong somewhere? SHE KNOWS what she did wrong this time, yet she chooses to be silent too.. because she is SO full of herself as usual.. She never wants to admit her wrongdoing. Never. But that's not what I'm looking for this time.
That is when I realise that it's better for me to feel relieved. I know I'm not perfect either that was why I was willing to cast my ego aside to befriend her again after the prior breakdowns. But enough is enough. I've given her a lot of opportunities and chances but it seems like she's never ever gonna change. I've tried my utmost best to understand her but now I feel really stupid for ever thinking that we could recuperate our friendship when things aren't exactly heading that way.
She is who she is, and I am who I am.. we've had our own vast, intolerable differences and that's why we can never be friends again. In fact, I wonder how can people tolerate such a loud and outspoken person like her. She complains about the silliest thing sometimes she really gets on my nerves (other people's too). Real friends do not manipulate and take advantage of their friends, but she did. Real friends do not leave their friends whenever they like and find the friends when they seek help, but she did. Real friends do not lie to each other and pretend that the friends are stupid enough not to know they're lying to them, but she did..
So? I think it's clear and fair to say, I don't need a friend like you, lady.. After all, I can't keep continuing giving you the cold shoulder and the silent treatment every time our relationship hits a bump in the road. Maybe the relationship IS better off cold and silent. I don't seek forgiveness or apology from you, all I want is for you to get the hell outta my life. Period.
Should I feel remorse or relieved?
I think both.
As for the former, I'm gonna lose a friend. But can someone so selfish and manipulative eligible to be called 'friend'? Well, we used to be friends.. or so-called friends who spend a great deal of time together, whether we like it or not. After our first and second friendship breakdowns, I'm not sure I could handle the third. It's just too much. Things weren't the same then but at least we could still face one another, talk and live our lives normally. But not this time, I think I'm starting to give up on her for she's not worth it. After all, I just know that all this while she thought that I'm the problematic one, that SHE IS the one who keeps giving me chances to change, not vice versa. Doesn't she realise that when someone who's normally eager to speak to her now keeping the conversations to zero means something is wrong somewhere? SHE KNOWS what she did wrong this time, yet she chooses to be silent too.. because she is SO full of herself as usual.. She never wants to admit her wrongdoing. Never. But that's not what I'm looking for this time.
That is when I realise that it's better for me to feel relieved. I know I'm not perfect either that was why I was willing to cast my ego aside to befriend her again after the prior breakdowns. But enough is enough. I've given her a lot of opportunities and chances but it seems like she's never ever gonna change. I've tried my utmost best to understand her but now I feel really stupid for ever thinking that we could recuperate our friendship when things aren't exactly heading that way.
She is who she is, and I am who I am.. we've had our own vast, intolerable differences and that's why we can never be friends again. In fact, I wonder how can people tolerate such a loud and outspoken person like her. She complains about the silliest thing sometimes she really gets on my nerves (other people's too). Real friends do not manipulate and take advantage of their friends, but she did. Real friends do not leave their friends whenever they like and find the friends when they seek help, but she did. Real friends do not lie to each other and pretend that the friends are stupid enough not to know they're lying to them, but she did..
So? I think it's clear and fair to say, I don't need a friend like you, lady.. After all, I can't keep continuing giving you the cold shoulder and the silent treatment every time our relationship hits a bump in the road. Maybe the relationship IS better off cold and silent. I don't seek forgiveness or apology from you, all I want is for you to get the hell outta my life. Period.
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